Mom
I love my mom more than there are words on this planet to express. I feel like no matter what she will always love me and be there for me and its mutual. She makes me feel like I am okay, like I do make her proud... like I can do anything. There are many people in my life who have been wonderful and supportive of me, the difference is my mom and my brother are the only people on the planet who know me, who know where I have come from, know what its like to live with my dad and don't expect or want anything other than me to be happy. I miss them so much! I feel like things are going to be alright; I am opening up all sorts of communication and old wounds at the same time, but its so important, its the only way I can move forward. I really cannot say how important my family is to me, and how utterly wonderful my mom is... just like me for all her flaws and quirks (that are pretty endearing if you ask me)she has a great head on her shoulders and I love her. she sent me this letter in response to my email and then we talked- well I sobbed a lot for hours: Hey Kate, Maybe I can explain it as alway having to say "well" instead of "good." (this is a reference to my dad... he is obssesed with correcting people if they use good and well incorrectly) Our dilemmas is that we believe the pressure of everyone else's feelings, ideas, beliefs, are pulling us down. How to be cathartic and let go...it is always easier said than done but I am finding that opening up to those you love and loving yourself is a good thing. I am truly sorry all my baggage has played such a heavy roll in your life. That all my struggles with "dad" and my own awaking in finding out what is good and bad with my own life has hurt you. In many ways you have almost grown up with me but I hope I am finally getting to the point where I see all these trials and tribulations as being a good thing...Ha, Ha...but nonetheless I truly believe that everything that has transpired can only make us stronger if we let them. I am so proud of you and your willingness to explore of your own feelings, no matter how painful. That you have found voice and are now beginning to find that it is okay to say what you feel to whomever. I am glad you have found Dina and even though she is leaving the picture temporally you have found with her that it is okay to speak out-loud and say whatever you have held inside for so long. Like every mom I want you to be happy, I want you to spread your wonderful wings and find what truly makes you smile. You above everyone else deserves to smile. You are a beautiful soul. You are you. I love you. MOM