Climbing all over my family tree...
Couldn't sleep last night...
I kept waking up without any air,
frightened and cold with the things I had seen,
while my eyes were being held hostage, squeezed tightly shut...
and I miss them every day, but I do not want these ghosts in me...
I do not want thier absences painting my pillow wet in the midst of night...
I would give anything to go back
but these regressions never transfer well onto the split screen...
the contorsion of the lens projects a picture I don't want to recall...
i see thru the glass
I have been having nightmares lately about my grandmother(s) plural... which is unlike me... I usually dream about them individually and not overlapping as such... I had a terrible dream last night that woke me up wanting more than anything to crawl into my mothers bed like a little girl...
I dreamt that my grandma peggy was living with Grandma Jeane after her stroke... she kept telling her that she was seeing ghosts in the house, she was petrified... and Grandma Jeane told her not to worry... then I saw Grandma Jeane get into bed and in the middle of the night Grandma peggy comes in in her wheelchair and sees Jeane sleeping next to my Grandpa Joe's ghost... she wakes them up and Jeane just looks at her and says "its so lonly here, there is nothing left to keep us alive, but to sleep with ghosts..." the whole dream was vivid and very "stylized" if that is a word I can apply to dreams and not just the movies... I was really unsettled by it...
and now for happyness!
I went to my Aunt beth's today to watch eric and hanna and to take some photos of them... I am going to miss seing them so often, it was really really nice this semester... I miss having some sort of extended family- although John's family has been wonderful to us in Texas- it just isnt the same, you know. Anyways it just means I should make more of an effort with my dads family... because I miss that, I miss them... anyways the kids are gorgeos:
this one is my favourite: Dayglow
eric in the window
hanna hang ten
sweet smile
tree-fort
determined
hey there blue eyes
sunglasses
funny face
bright baby blues
pom-pom
my red plane
siblings
static slide
swing
I get told I look a lot like them... looking at these pictures I can really see it in eric's face, we have similar features... they are really sweet kids, eric is hyper all the way, but I love that age... hanna is 3 and eric is 7...I am excited to go home and play with Jake, I miss him every day