roadblock in my mouth

Sometimes I feel so expressive; all the channels of communication are running a mile a minute. Othertimes I feel congested and sewn tightly shut. I run hot and cold, up and down in all aspects of my contradictory being... so it's no surpirse that my emotive skills are equally paradoxical in nature. Sometimes it really frustrates me as I am sure it does others around me. There are just so many aspects of me that I would rather not face and therefore close up like a clam on... mostly though it's hard to talk to people who you miss.


The hardest part is not understanding the feelings I try to express, but expressing them to another person for fear of misunderstanding, judgement or even worse apathy. I get frustrated so easily with people who do not share my empahty and want for an even exchange of emotional intercourse. I guess it all boils down to me, at the end of the day I try to be understanding for fear of others judging me to the same harsh standards of the unchecked, un-scrutinized level that would have been my own if it were not for my sensitivity.


I wish I could express my love and appriciation for people without letting all these stupid feelings and excuses cloud the way...


I wish I could feel reciprocated and equal in my superfluous pontifications on the inner workings of my not entirely functional brain.


mostly I wish there were nothing to censor in my life, but don't we all... I think too much, but I don't think I would want to be any other way, because this is who I am... I just sometimes need to be told that I am taken as I am and not leavin behind for a lack of common sense communication....


I talk too much and I am sorry for that... but there is silence speaking volumes in-between-the-words about all that I choose not to say...

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