hold on hope...
Sometimes I forget how critical I can be... of myself and of other people... I expect so much out of communication and understanding; I get frustrated when others don't understand what I am trying to say... I get frustrated by ill-chosen words and mostly I get upset when people aren't as thoughtful in their wordage as I am in mine when the conversation is serious. I found myself in this situation with my mom tonight and we weren't fighting by any means but when she left to go to sleep I felt exhausted, sad and had the overwhelming urge to apologize for the way I am... to apologize for being so critical and always interposing my big words and even bigger expectations on the conversation that is simply her only means of letting me know how much she loves me...
I start my nanny job this friday and I am nervous as all get up... I got another email from my dad tonight asking me what my graduation requirements/ plans are and I was just too overwhelmed to try.... I have a lot swirling around in my head right now.
I have a doctors appointment on thrusday and am nervous about that too... I am considering the anti-seizure drugs again, but am scared of the cognitive side effects that sometimes acompany them :!
I have just been at a suprising loss for words lately, so I haven't written in here much, but am in the middle of changing the layout to brighten things up a bit... if things are disjointed its just because I need to sleep and don't want to make sense of any more html tonight....